September 2007

2007-09-27 Thursday

The place of fashion in life.

So... I drive a 2001 Toyota Corolla CE, work as a dishwasher for minimum wage on weekends, yet I frequent fashion blogs and am only attracted to "designer" fashion that also come with designer price tags.  What is wrong with me?  My soul-searching continues.

While, due to my choice of career (academic social science research), I will never make more than a lower-middle class income, for one reason or another I associate with mostly people that are classified as "rich."  (I went to top schools and I guess my fellow classmates tend to end up in well-paying jobs.)  In any case, I will be the first to admit that "keeping up with the Joneses" screws me up on one hand, but gives me perspective on the other hand.

My mom's younger sister is an orthodontist and her husband is an oral surgeon.  They own a private practice that hires two other doctors and more than half a dozen nurses.  In a word - They are loaded.  They keep a live-in housekeeper and their kids take so many private lessons that tutoring fees run into thousands of dollars per month.  When they take their annual family vacations they always invite my mom and me.  If we can make it (I used to before I started my Ph.D. program) we go for free.

Yet they drive Toyota Camrys and while they sort of wear "designer" clothes (they're very loyal to Bally since they like the quality), they also tend to dress frumpy and stay away from logos.  If you just see them on the street you wouldn't think they're well-off at all and I know my aunt is always ignored in PTA meetings because she doesn't look like a society lady.

One of the first girls who befriended me at the school I currently attend works full-time as an elementary school teacher.  Her hair is home-dyed and the only designer thing she has ever displayed is a Burberry scarf that matches her eye-color (a very beautiful blue, by the way).  I thought that she was a "normal person" like me (not one of the millions of Paris-Hilton-clones we have on campus swinging Chanel bags), until I was invited to her house and it turned out that Tom Hanks lived a few blocks away.  Her house is a mansion that overlooks the ocean in their backyard and her parents own several vacation houses across the country.  I met her family and they are the most pleasant people ever.  They inherited the money rather than made it so they don't act like scary business-types at all.  None of them was trendy in the least.

All my medical doctor friends dress cheaply.  They pay at most $200 for an office-appropriate tote but then they'd use the same one for years because they are too busy to go shopping for every latest trend.  They also go to Forever 21 and Old Navy a lot.  They are ignored by salespeople, but it doesn't matter to them.  When they go to work they are respected and in charge.  Their sense of worth is strong and not tied to things they wear.  They may be pretty much on the way to owning million-dollar houses, but they don't drive obviously expensive cars.  In fact, they value safety so tend to drive Volvos or Cadillacs.

So is there something wrong with me?  Well, I want to say no.

It's only problematic if I like designer brands because I want to be perceived as someone I'm not and if things I own are tied to my self-worth.  However, after some self-analysis I really don't think so.

I don't buy expensive brands blindly and I stay away from the practice of garish logo-ing.  However, I see designer stuff all the time and often you get what you pay for.  Well-made goods come with a higher price tag than mass-produced sweatshop items and the difference can be very clear.  If you want shoes that look attractive but are comfortable at the same time, you probably have to pay a bit.  If you want a leather bag that sits comfortably next to your body and holds its shape, you better be willing to shell out at least a certain amount.  Unique designs that have not trickled down often demand higher prices too.  I won't buy something cheaply made, uncomfortable, or unattractive just because it's obviously designer.  However, my eyes and body have been trained to appreciate quality and a lot of times (not all the time) they come with designer prices, if not household designer names.

I drive what people perceive as a cheap-ass car but I'm proud of it because I saved up cash for it over the course of a year and paid it off with one check.  Plus the car may not look trendy, but I fit into it comfortably and it gets great mileage, thereby helping the environment.  While there are times that I long for a prettier car, whenever I get my car nicely washed and waxed, it looks attractive to me again.  If my car stops being comfortable during commutes or looking cute, then it will be time to replace it.

I like to use good quality things (as long as I budget for them) not to get respect for others, but respect for myself.  Pretty and well-made clothes, shoes and bags will never take priority over education, work or relationships in my life, but they do make me smile at my own reflection and walk with pride and purpose.  How much I spend on what I wear is a personal issue.  Some people may laugh at how I'm agonizing over this, since what I spend on my wardrobe may be peanuts to them, yet to other people I can be materialistic and living beyond my means.  The bottom line, which I need to figure out for myself, is how much I should spend and how much I should save in order for me to live with self-respect and be proud the person I have become.

2007-09-21 Friday

Paint my collar blue.

For the last couple of weekends, I have been washing dishes for minimum wage at a small local restaurant.

It's no secret that I'm broke.  I started my doctoral program five years ago and if I was able to finish my dissertation within the one year (ideal) limit, I would have graduated last month at the latest.  However, I ran into experimental design problems and got stuck, so my goal for graduation has been moved to next summer.

I went into my program with savings.  What can I say, I was raised by hard-working immigrants who believe in saving up cash for major purchases and emergency needs.  A few years back I drove a car I paid in full and I just found super-cheap student housing, so with a good bit of savings under my belt I felt I was safe from having to take out student loans.

Well, my savings ran out.  I can blame high standards of living in the Los Angeles area, but really I succumbed to media and peer pressure for a certain lifestyle.  I bought clothes and accessories with brand names and thought of them as "investments."  I drank coffee made with gourmet beans.  I ate fish all the time because it's good lean protein and helps me maintain my figure.

Yeah, that Maxstudio.com knee-length suede coat looks good all right, but is it really an investment?  Whenever I wear it out I'm always afraid of getting a pie in the face from the good PETA people.  My Coach leather briefcase wore out faster than my much cheaper Samsonite tote. 

In any case, it's too late to point fingers now (especially when I can only point them at myself).  I desperately need more income but I can't commit to a regular part-time job.  I still have to work on my dissertation full-time, tutor my students whenever they need me, and fulfill my duties as a research assistant on campus.

So I asked some neighbors who work as waitresses.  They told me a couple of places and I chose a small restaurant very close to where I live so I will save on gas.  (Theoretically I can walk there one way in 45 minutes but I'm afraid that's too hardcore for me.)  I wash dishes for minimum wage, no dips on tips. 

I am too embarrassed to tell my friends and family.  Yet I appreciate the extra bit of money.  I'm still actively dating but I've been moving my coffee and dinner dates to weekdays.  I feel like I'm living a double life.

2007-09-18 Tuesday

Am I poor?

My personal financial status has been bothering me lately.  Mainly, I wish I had an idea of how my financial standing relates to others around my age.

I just turned 31 and I'm currently going to school full-time, working part-time on campus.  I am a Ph.D. student in the social sciences and I've been working on my dissertation for the past year.  I plan on finishing my dissertation and graduating by next May, right before I turn 32.

I do not have any student loan or credit card debt.  I did accumulate some student loans after college but I worked full-time a few years after, so I paid off my loans.  Graduate student tuition is mostly paid for so I only worry about my living expenses (which can be vast, since I live in Los Angeles county).  I work on campus as a research assistant and in my spare time I also work as a private tutor.  After tax, my net monthly income hovers around $1000-1200 depending on how many hours I tutor, from which I pay rent (I share a co-op with other students), utilities, cell phone bill (no landline for me), insurance, food, gas, and other miscellaneous expenses.

I was raised to save up for big purchases and I paid for my Toyota Corolla in full back in 2000, before I went back to school.  My car is now 7 years old and looks beat up and faded from being parked on the street all the time.  There's also a dent on the passenger door that I never got around to fixing.  There's nothing wrong with my car, yet I envy other people's pretty shiny cars and wish I have a new car too.  However, if I save up to pay for a new car in full like I was taught to do, it will take at least 1-2 years of working full-time because I would need around $20,000 in cash (assuming I upgrade a bit from my little Corolla).

What with the popularity of fashion shows and blogs, everyone (particularly in my area) pay more attention to personal style than ever.  More than half the students on campus carry obvious designer bags and look very trendy indeed.  Just by living in proximity to designer stuff, I now can identify knock-off bags, especially those that imitate popular logo models, like Coach and Louis Vuitton.  I would no sooner carry a knock-off than commit suicide because people can tell, trust me.

Even though I'm past 30, I still experience peer pressure.  I know the only way to combat logo bags is to purchase good quality leather bags either by lesser-known designers or without logos.  I got my leather bags from Furla on sale (under $150 each) but still, those were major expenses and my few bags now look beat up after a few years as a full-time student (and no extra money to purchase luxuries like good bags).

So anyway, as I'm close to finishing my doctorate program, I'm also running lower and lower on savings and now have no savings at all, but rather scrape by on my tiny income.  It's possible that I may have to take out loans and go into debt before I graduate and find a full-time job, but I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible.

On the other hand, I look at all my good friends from college days and for one reason or another, they are mostly medical doctors.  I've read on some blogs that people can't possibly afford real designer stuff but the thing is, you can if you have a good-paying job.  Base salaries for internal medicine doctors and pediatricians run around $160,000, $300,000 for radiologists, and more for surgeons.  I'm talking base, starting salaries before bonuses (these are my friends after all and they're all my age, so they're just starting).  Even if they're single they can afford luxury goods and often they marry others who make around the same amount of money.  My lawyer friends make a little less but starting salaries for them (graduating from UC law schools) still run around $90,000.

In contrast, my future lays in social science research.  Academic or not, the starting salary for someone with a Ph.D. runs around $50,000 in my area, rising very little each year.  I love my field and can't imagine doing anything else, but I do wish I can make more money doing my job potentially.

But is my potential income embarrassingly small?  It can't be, can it?  True, I don't see me ever owning property with that income here in California but still... it's nothing to be ashamed of.  In fact, I'd like to think my degree, my career, and my financial standing are things I can be proud of.  I just feel a little less proud whenever I hang out with my friends who make more than $150,000.

I hate peer pressure but I know I succumb to it.  I want to be happy for my friends and myself at the same time.  Usually I succeed, but then I ask myself, if I really don't care, why do I refuse to buy my shoes and bags from Target?  Why do I dream about a status car?  Why do I want people to see my worth in my material possessions?  Shouldn't I focus on getting respect through my expertise at work and my friendly personality?

Why do I want to compete with my peers and want to know whether I count as a "failure" or a "success" relative to others?  I have no good answer.  This is something I need to work on. 

2007-09-10 Monday

Shopping, or lack thereof, for fall/winter 2007.

It's scary, but I hardly need to do any shopping for fall/winter this year.

As the weather cooled, I took a look in my closet and noted my collection of jackets and coats all still in perfect condition.  My dozens of cashmere and merino sweaters are nicely fluffy and folded, waiting to be worn.  Since I bought multiples of cheap (but comfortable!) stretch leather boots last year, I don't need to do any shoe-shopping either.

The only shopping I did was to replace my Eileen Fisher stretch silk long-sleeve tees.  I always buy at least two each year, one in black, then replace accordingly.  These tees are crazy expensive at $100 per one (they raised the prices this fall) but indispensable as far as I'm concerned.  This year I was lucky to get both of mine (one black and one charcoal) with the deeper scoop neck rather than their usual crew neck. 

If I must be picky, I suppose my mid-size bag is tired-looking now.  I've come to terms that smaller bags are pointless as I never use them, huge bags are too heavy, and I end up always using mid-size bags.  My poor Furla is a structured shape and the sharp edges are clearly worn.  While some casual leather bags look cool when they're worn, for whatever reason I'm not sure the worn-look works for my Furla.  I have read that worn-out edges can be re-dyed, but my Furla bag is a hard-to-match reddish faux crocodile leather and my local shoe repair shop refused to even try re-dyeing it.

By the way, does anyone else find Coach bags crap quality?  I have two Coach bags, both in black leather, one just a little small for a mid-size and the other is a briefcase.  I've had them two years and already the leather is worn (as in "broken skin") at places and the metal stuff is rusty.  What the hell?  To be fair, I've never bought a leather bag that looks "as good as new" after more than two years of regular use.  Yet don't such bags exist in legend and song?  The Hermes models that are good for ten years?  What's going on here?  Have I just been using still-too-cheap bags???

P.S. Just to clarify, I received grant money from school and paid back my friend from whom I took out a loan, so it's okay for me to talk frivolous stuff like shopping, especially since I will do very little of it.